Special thanks to Comrade for his joint authorship of this post.
1. Things will only go wrong when the doctor is in the room (unless it's before the patient enters the hospital).
2. X-ray, MRI, CT scan, and ultrasound technicians don't exist. Attractive, high-profile doctors do all the work.
3. Real hospitals don't have nurses, unless the doctor is making a snappy remark to them, or they are extras walking around in the background.
4. Patients are rarely ugly.
5. House doesn't need a mask in the OR, he has sterile breath.
6. There is entertaining music every time a doctor thinks up a correct diagnosis.
7. Harassment and manipulaiton aren't inappropriate; rather, they are funny.
8. If you want to do a procedure on a patient and they or their family says no, you simply aren't smart enough to get them to change their mind. There is a way, figure it out.
9. The smartest doctors use vicodin.
10. Everyone lies.