Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Jail vs. Medical School: An Objective Comparison

Here's a little something I began writing in the midst of finals.

Even though I love med school, and I'm glad that I'm a part of it, and I'm excited to become a doctor, and it's a dream come true... there is such a thing as "too much of a good thing."

Just picture a dump truck full of your favourite ice cream pouring its load all over you (or "pancakes every morning").

That's what med school is like when things get intense...

you remember liking it way back when,
you know you worked hard to get there,
and yet you still feel like it's taking over you, drowning you, going to kill you.

It's nice to be in my summer break and back to enjoying the dump truck load of ice cream from the sidelines, and not drowning in it.

Jail: Several hours a day spent in a 9' x 9' cell with small windows, where you sleep as well.
Medschool: Several hours a day spent in a 9' x 9' PBL room, where you sleep as well during naps and finals.

Jail 1, Medschool 0.

Jail: You get to leave early if you display good behaviour. If you misbehave, you stay the full length of your term.
Medschool: You don't get out any earlier if you display good behaviour. If you misbehave by acting unprofessionally, you stay longer (repeat a year.)

Jail 2, Medschool 0.

Jail: You have to do something pretty horrible to get in (kill a person, rob a bank, etc.)
Medschool: You have to do a lot of pretty horrible things to get in (MCAT, applications, interview, etc.)

Jail 3, Medschool 0.

Jail: You meet cool people, like folks who know how to draw tattoos, make crossbows out of toothbrushes, and survive a jail brawl using a cafeteria tray as a riot shield.
Medschool: Over 99% of the people you meet can do none of the above things.

Jail 4, Medschool 0.

Jail: Nobody bats an eyelash if you're a little rude to somebody.
Medschool: You have to take a class on being nice to people, which only makes you want to be more rude to people, but you're not allowed. So, you secretly live vicariously through a certain Dr. House.

Jail 5, Medschool 0.

Jail: Regular conjugal visits (or so I learned from the movie Office Space)
Medschool: No regular conjugal visits.

Jail 6, Medschool 0.

Jail: No homework.
Medschool: Homework.

Jail 7, Medschool 0.

Jail: If you don't like something, there's nobody to talk to, so it won't get changed.
Medschool: If you don't like something, you have to search amongst the bureaucracy to find out who to talk to, and once you do, it still doesn't get changed.

Jail 8, Medschool 0.

Jail: The feeling of freedom when you leave is like none other.
Medschool: The feeling of freedom when you leave is pretty great, but it's overshadowed by the feeling of having to start residency.

Jail 9, Medschool 0.

Jail: You're surrounded by people who never wanted to be there.
Medschool: You're surrounded by people who competed to be there and are starting to question why they are there.

Jail 10, Medschool 0.

Jail: Physically violated by other occupants in unimaginable ways.
Medschool: Mentally violated by faculty by means of meter-high stacks of textbooks and notes to unimaginable ways.

Jail 11, Medschool 0.

Jail: When you complete a jail term, people don't want you in your neighbourhood.
Medschool: When you complete a medical degree, people would love to have you in their neighbourhood.

Jail 11, Medschool 1.

Jail: When you find a job once you're out, people avoid you.
Medschool: When you find a job once you're out, you get called by people at all hours of the night.

Jail 12, Medschool 1.


Unknown said...
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Anonymous said...

My PBL room has bigger windows than a jail cell does. They still don't open though.

SuperStenoGirl said...

We don't get windows in our office.
We're not even allowed to use the closest staff washrooms now; they're only for "medical" staff.

Anonymous said...

Poor medical students...many med students do put up with a lot of hierarchical crap. Also, I have worked in the prison system, and your right, it really doesn't seem that bad (except for all the scary weapons made out of household items).

Anonymous said...

I think it should be jail 11, school 2, because I'd rather be mentally violated. But hey, I don't judge...

Calavera said...

Hilarious! Possibly the only thing that's made me laugh this week!

Arps said...

true to the core!! :D

Anonymous said...

Ha! This is too funny! I am considering medschool and reading all sorts of things about life in medschool. I love that people like you can maintain their sense of hummour through the hard work :)