End of an Era... Goodbye, Medicine

My time in medical school has had a lot of ups and downs, both academically and with a number of personal issues, and over the past month or two I've had to put a lot of long, hard thought into whether or not a vitum medicinus (a life of medicine) is really right for me.

After hours of self-contemplation, a number of discussions with faculty members, the Dean of Student Life, and even the dean of my medical school, I've finally jumped through enough hoops to officially withdraw from my medical school program.

So many hoops - it's not easy getting in, and it's even harder to get out, especially when the government contributes to so much of our tuition!

I haven't talked to anybody else in my family or friends about this. Please don't be offended if I haven't consulted you about it - it's a decision that I have had to make for myself. Obviously, so many people are going to want to know why so I thought it would be easier - and more fitting, perhaps - to put my thoughts here.

I've decided to abandon the dreams for a few reasons. I've had a rollercoaster of a personal life over the last several weeks, including the rough end to a couple of romantic web-based relationships and the accidental death of my beloved pet turtle Spencer, who helped me realize that my dreams of going into medicine were just an outside shell and didn't show who I truly was inside (In lieu of flowers, please make donations to the Canadian Cancer Society). I clearly don't know much about medicine yet, and learning by trial and error is probably not the best way... apparently three Advil is way too much for my turtle with a headache.

The medical program has become difficult for me to handle as well. Aside from a couple of bad experiences, we learn so many secrets from the lives of patients that it just becomes difficult to keep them all. Going to class with dental students is just too confusing for me - I can never tell if the extra points they throw in about tooth health are things we med students need to know, or if it will just be relevant to the dentists. And, already, all of my friends are asking me about their nasty conditions, and I don't know the answers yet. Besides, who's to say that in four years, that I'll be able to help them? What if I make a bad medical decision when I'm treating a friend and they end up like Spencer? I couldn't handle that guilt.

And I haven't even really been fitting in with my friends at medical school. The few people I have gotten to know don't really seem to like me that much, and on the whole, I haven't really been accepted by everyone else. Everyone seems to be way more driven and intelligent than I am. Group studying is more like 'make Vitum look stupid' time, and even at lunch their little reindeer games of 'name the capital' or 'name the cofactor' really exclude me. Heck, their IQs are all at least 65.

As well, a few other factors completely irrelevant to medical school have come into play; struggling to afford the escalating price of gasoline; frustration with the leaders of the United States, Iraq, and Luxembourg; and the ever-mounting tension of whether or not the Toronto Maple Leafs will make the playoffs.

So what's next for Vitum? Not sure, really. I'm making arrangements to travel home and spend some time with my family, and also take a trip to a few places in the world that I've really wanted to visit - Australia, Brazil, Ireland, and Oz. Hopefully during that time I'll come up with something that better for me to do as a career. I'm considering something along the lines of writing for my local library's monthly children's newsletter, becoming a skyscraper window washer, or maybe just running off to the jungles and living free with the friendly animals. But for now, it's time for me to hang up my barely-used stethoscope and ceremonially burn my white lab coat.

Thanks so much to everyone who has read this blog. Check back in a few days and hopefully I'll have one or two final medical stories that I've been waiting to write about.